In Need

I usually can always find a little inspiration from music (and slight nudges in the back).

Speaking of music, I'm about to become the worship team leader at my church. I mentioned this during a discussion with some of my family members and one of my older cousins (you know the real funny one that every family has) said, "You. The same guy who used to try to have pool parties at his house when your parents weren't there." You know what they say about honor, a prophet, and his home town. I got to see this teaching first hand.

So yeah, it's quite an honor to have come from where I've been to a place where I'm leading others to worship God. Humbling? Yes. Frightened? Not really, though I feel as if everyone is trying (in an overly kind of way) to help me out or to make things easier...so that the burden doesn't fall on my soldiers when the current leader leaves (marriage makes people leave sometimes it seems). I must admit though that it has felt more like the people around me don't feel that I'm capable of fulfilling the requirements of the role. Of course this is all a big lie, but it's amazing how hard it is to fight against such lies. The devil has so many ways to turn us against each other.
Anyway, I'm trying to get over all the fore mentioned things and concentrate on the things that are right and good. My role is to be a servant who ushers others into worship and who helps others to the same. What a privilege! How good has God been to me when he allows me to do such a task; to use the gifts He has given and to be involved in a ministry I truly love. The simplicity will bring you to tears.

In other news, I recently had two surgeries. One was for a hernia and the other was an emergency surgery to check out the internal bleeding I caused by wearing pants that were too tight for me. Yes, that's right. I wore really tight pants to church 6 days after my surgery and I think the pressure caused me to bleed. I'm an idiot I know. I've learned my lesson. The good thing is that I'm on the mend and things are getting better. All of that has happened in the past two weeks. On a brighter note I've been showered with love from my church family and can say that I've witnessed real Godly community first hand. People have called, e-mailed, prayed for me, cooked food for me, and even let me stay in there house. That's how it should be in my humble opinion and it's a beautiful thing to see. It's contagious too. I've never been one who wanted to go near sick people or visit them in the hospital, but I'm seeing the era in my ways. It's our calling to do these things and it is in all actuality fairly easy to do. It's such an obvious need. We don't need to dig into some one's life to see something that is starring us directly in the face. When people are sick we should take care of them...out of love of course. It's really simple.
We just need to adjust our priorities if they haven't been already.

Sorry for the little rant. I've just been convicted of all this and felt like sharing it.

Anyway, I continue to seek God's will...no I mean it. I want walk with Him with every step I take. I need too. I've been longing for a closer relationship with God and I hope this prayer is answered. I've felt separated lately and maybe that's due to the new house or maybe something else, but personally I've felt a distance, a missed connection. Sure I have plenty of things and people around me to remind me of His goodness, but I've also been in a place where I felt like God was standing behind me...smiling when I smiled and vice versa. It's such an amazing experience.
All this to say that I'm thankful that God makes us aware of our needs and shortcomings. Without them I think we would obviously question our need for Him at all. It seems, however, that God is always lovingly drawing us in. Unfortunately there is often suffering involved, but does it not have a sweeter flavor when we come through it and see God's hand in it all.

Alright, enough is enough. I'll stop with all the Christianese for now. I have to say though that I do believe all of these things to be true. God has been real good to me. I just want to share that.

Why so long...again?

Simple...laziness.

No, in all seriousness I think there have been seasons of writing inspiration and the past six months really have not been that for me. Don't get me wrong there has been plenty to write about, but I haven't felt like doing so. Maybe this will change, but I'm not so sure.

Anyway, for those who still read and for those from foreign countries like Colorado (kidding Pam) I will do a brief list of what has happened since January.

- started to date a girl from my church
- another guy wanted to date the same girl I was dating and she wanted to date him too...stopped dating girl from my church
- began a quest to start a charter/vocational school in DC
- bought a house
- received a promotion at work
- teamed with parents to find a way for my younger brother to finish school and attain a driver's license.
- moved into my house
- joined a men's soccer league
- have spent the past week with my brother staying with me for spring break (it has been better than I thought it would)

Sorry it reads like a resume, but it's the best I can do.
Things have certainly been busy and there is little sign of them slowing down.
Hopefully I'll get inspired again and will continue writing in the future, but I make no promises.

Much love to you all,

Why so long?

Yes, I know. I haven't posted in a while. I'm lame.

The past few months have been crazy.
I had my car stolen...then found again.
I played in another benefit concert (nerves were at about a 6).
And I took a trip to Florida and caught a tarpon.

Plenty of stuff to post on, but I think the winds were taken from my sail after the car was stolen. You see, the thieves took the car and then left it about 2 miles from where I live in DC. They hardly damaged the car outside of a cigarette burn on the front passenger seat. The one thing they did get, however, was my digital camera (my inspiration and memory jogger).

I don't know what hurt more, the thought of how much it cost or the feeling like I had let down a friend. I was in charge of its protection and well being and I failed. The same sentiments extend to the car. The truth is I think I accidentally left it unlocked. In addition, I had a spare key in the glove compartment because I had somehow thought of a scenario where that could be helpful. It was...to the thieves. At least they didn't have to smash in the ignition to get the car started. Nonetheless, I let the camera and my car down as their protectors and I won't even mention the volleyball and camp chair that were never recovered as well.

I can do better and I shall.

So that's the story. That's probably the number one cause of me not posting, not sharing, not having inspiration to get out of bed in the mornings. I was a bad steward of what God had provided for me and I'm ashamed to admit it. I look forward to a day when maturity and responsibility are simply second nature...a day when my family, friends, and possessions can be proud of me without fear of being let down, forgotten about, or unlocked.

Where you come from

Truthfully, I prefer posts with pictures.

Why? Well, they are far more interesting, visually pleasing (sometimes), and make it easier for others to understand what you are writing about.

With that in mind I've decided to make this a picture post to the best of my ability.

The following is what it is like for me to go home and visit my pops and his side of the family.


Aug. 26th


This was not going to be a sleep in Saturday morning. No, I volunteered to take my brother to the DMV to get his learner's permit and I knew full well...the earlier the better. DMV visits have been painful ever since they cut funding.
So I decided to get up at 5:00 AM and leave the house by 5:30, allowing plenty of time to make it to Middlesex county VA and to take my brother to the infamous DMV.

The morning was beautiful and I enjoyed watching the sun slowly rise as I navigated the winding route of highway 17 South.



Since the trip takes about 2 1/2 hours it is an excellent time to think, reflect, and prepare for the sometimes ominous encounters with my father. In the midst of my meditation I realized that there was a good possibility that I could not take my brother as I had planned. I'm not his legal guardian. Sure enough, when I arrived my father, after a quick play fighting session, told me what I already knew. And as expected, my father asked me the question he already had the answer for, whether I wanted to or not. "What do you want to do"? - quickly followed with "Do you want to go fishing"? - as if there is a choice in the matter. Having known my father for 28 years I was perfectly aware that nothing made him more happier than taking his sons out on the boat and making them endure his temper for a minimum of 4 solid hours. "Sure pops".

So, after waking my little (6'2" 215) brother up and dealing with the task of loading the boat, we were off. (I'm skipping the part where my dad gets mad about it being the weekend and there are no parking places at the public landing, and how ignorant it is for someone to park down there who doesn't even have a trailer)
I must admit that it is always a nostalgic feeling returning to the river; the smells, the sounds of seagulls, boat motors, and my father yelling at my little brother to sit on the other side of the boat because it is leaning too far to one side. Well at least it is beautiful.


This could get really long so I'll try to skip the rest of the unnecessary details.
I just felt that it was important to establish the atmosphere of my returns to the homeland.

The fishing wasn't great but there were plenty of laughs. For instance, my brother got pissed off at my father because as usual they were bickering back and forth and pops usually wins because he is louder. (Keep in mind that one of the arguments was about my brother casting the line with a reel that really wasn't suited for casting) My brother finally lost his temper (to the extent a tender-hearted giant of a 17 yr old can loose it) and decided to cast his line straight down behind the boat as hard as he could. All you could hear was the brief screaming of the fishing line and the reel gears until... as does often happen with bait casting reels similar to his, everything came to a cacophonous halt as Adam created what we refer to in the fishing world as a bird's nest. Basically the line gets tangled and mangled up in the reel to such an extent that you often have to cut it and reattach your rigs in order to continue fishing.

So there he was knowing perfectly well that his temper just cost him a good fifteen minutes of fishing and more than likely a barrage of harsh words from my father.
But wait, there was only silence. And then...
I could no longer hold it and busted out in laughter and my father quickly joined the chorus. My brother just sat there simmering in the heat and slowly untangled his mess of a reel and his anger as well.
Nonetheless, it was fun for us all and everyone smiled at some point, even my brother.




I think I'll make this a two part post. It's a little overwhelming reading so much.


To come: Night at the movies with my little brother and a visit with the grandparents.

"Whale Rider"

Have you seen it?

If not you should.

I will not go as far as to say that it is amazing but it is definitely good (despite its tear-jerking and egalitarian overtones...that's just a joke for someone in particular)

The little actress (Keisha Castle-Hughes)was amazing.






She was perfect for the role.
M. Malone let me in on a little secret that the girl couldn't swim when she tried out for the part, but they took her anyway. Needless to say, with a title like "Whale Rider" you can imagine that she needed to swim. Someone must have taught her.

Because of this film I've discovered a new favorite thing.
The New Zealand accent is glorious. (Note to self: Travel to New Zealand ASAP)
However, I've been reminded of my least favorite as well. The Mid-Western accent.

uuuuuugaaaaleeeeeeeeeee

Anyway, the film is good and won several awards. It's by far one of the best foreign films that I've seen...though I probably could not name too many foreign films.

Answer to Fatigue

I've taken a break.
I'm pulling back.

No school, no groups, no appointments (unless it's the dentist), no committments, no responsibility (other than God given ones).

It's been a week of this and it's been great.

How's school Paul?
Great, I stopped taking classes:)
Huh?
Yeah I'm taking break.
Good for you.



See, affirmation.


I feel free to say no to outings as well.

Paul, let's go out to eat with the guys...you can pay.
No thanks.


Ahhhhh....it feels so good.




I read a recent article that said if you take a vacation and dread going back to work (more like have suicidal thoughts at the prospect) then you should think about moving on or applying for another position. If you take the vacation and you feel recharged then you are good to go.
That's what I'm doing... taking a little vacation. Six credit hours of school, 40 + hrs a week of work, church, and trying to have something that resembles a social life is taxing. I needed a change.

So here I am. Reading the books I want, hanging out when I want, and actually enjoying life.

I hope everyone gets a chance to feel like I do right now.

This is what I did this past weekend to help.

I'm Tired

Yeah that's right,

I'm tired all the time.
It doesn't matter how much rest I get, I cannot satiate my exhaustion.

For a while I thought I was depressed. Now I'm not so sure.
I'm not sad, nor am I upset. I have a pretty good life.

I thought it might be boredom, which is still a good possibility, but I have things to do all the time. (I just don't want to do them)

My friend Keith suggested that I take a break. With work, school, church, and socializing I'm a busy guy. My brain has to work all the time whether in conversation or in study mode. It's constantly working even when I don't want it to.

This last possibility may be the right one. I'm overloaded!
Am I the only one....and since I'm not how does everyone else deal with it?